“LIVING OUR MISSION”

“Most progress begins with conversations that inspire action and change for the better. As a company, Ashley Stewart through its foundation is committed to transforming the lives of women and youth within our communities.  It is with this unwavering commitment to women’s empowerment and their health & wellness that we have partnered with these dynamic women to offer their knowledge, wisdom and advice to you - our valued customers and supporters. 

Through its Living Our Mission section of our website, the Ashley Stewart Stores Community Foundation is an effort to bring awareness to - and help educate - women about health & wellness and other issues impacting their lives daily.  We invite you to visit our website each month for new advice and tips and encourage you to visit the websites of our participating authors and professionals to learn more about their work and contributions to our communities. 

We would appreciate receiving your feed-back about this section; please e-mail your comments to:

Renau Daniels
Ashley Stewart Stores Community Foundation
Executive Director
info@ascommunityfoundation.com

Stephanie Clark

Stephanie M. Clark is the author of Life As A Single Mom: It Isn’t Easy, Or Is It?  She is the founder & CEO of My Daughter’s Keeper, Inc. and the National Director for Project Single Moms. 

Purchase a copy of her book today.  Partial proceeds benefit the Ashley Stewart Stores Community Foundation.  Click here to order Stephanie Clark’s book.

A Message from Stephanie Clark

SINGLE MOMS: Walk by Faith & Not by Sight

Many single moms rely heavily on their faith to get them through the many challenges they have faced as both a woman and single mom parenting on their own.

Personally, I can witness that my faith has gotten me through many trials and tribulations.  It is my faith on which I stand firm and steadfast.  For I know, as well as many of my single mom sisters, that it is our faith in God or a higher being that has brought us thus far and has enabled us to raise our children on our own.

 During our dark hours, lonely nights, and when we feel that we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, it is our faith that gives us hope, strength and determination to weather the storms that come our way.

 It is our faith that reminds us, when we are confronted with situations that seem bleak and too heavy a burden to carry on our own, that we are not alone.

 It is our faith that assures us that we are not forsaken nor forgotten especially during times like these:

• Our employers lay us off from our jobs unexpectedly;
• Our rent or mortgage is three months past due;
• Our children are being defiant and acting up;
• Our relationships with the men in our life just do not seem to work out;
• There seems to be more bills and less money to pay them;
• We are experiencing all types of health challenges; and
• We just cannot seem to get ahead.

It is our faith that confirms that through Jesus Christ all things are possible and that we are more than conquerors for we are women who truly love the Lord.  It is through our faith that we can celebrate times like these:

• When despite the odds and statistics, we are raising healthy, productive children;
• When God sends us financial blessings that come just in time!;
• When God places people in our lives to be blessings to us;
• When we know that we are never alone and that there are others who are walking in our shoes who will share our joys and our pains;
• When God touches us with His healing power;
• When God opens doors and provides opportunities we never knew existed;
• When God grants us the desires of our hearts;
• When God makes our enemies our footstools;
• When God hears our cries in the midnight hour and wipes away our tears; and
• When God makes us feel that He is the most important man that we need in our lives.

Press forth, stand firm on your faith and be the best woman to yourself and the best single mom to your children.  You may be on your own, but you are not alone!

Get connected with other single moms.  Join Project Single Moms, a national advocacy & empowerment movement for single moms.  Visit www.projectsinglemoms.com to join.  Membership is free!

Be blessed my sisters,
Stephanie

A Message from Dr. Catrise Austin

One of the most popular resolutions made during the New Year is to improve one's overall health. This year, I want all to consider revitalizing their smiles.  A beautiful smile certainly speaks for you. One of the first things that people will notice about you is your smile. A recent study even revealed that those with a beautiful smile are perceived as more successful, intelligent, interesting, wealthy, attractive and popular with the opposite sex. I truly believe that as many people are looking for new jobs or to advance in their current job in this economy, a clean and confident smile can certainly make a difference and can truly help you live your best life.

Oftentimes people tend to underestimate the importance of dental health and the power of a smile.  Some of my clients and people I meet in public feel that they can take their smiles in their own hands and avoid going to the dentist.  This is a terrible mistake and can cost you not only your smile, but your overall health and quality of life.  That’s why I’ve come up with my Top 10 common dental mistakes that we all should avoid to maintain a healthy and attractive smile.

Dr. Austin’s Top 10 dental mistakes to avoid in 2009:

10.  Sticking with a dentist/dental office that you don't enjoy visiting twice a year
9.  Trying home remedies such as attempting to whiten your own teeth with "real" bleach or using crazy glue to mend broken dentures, fillings, and teeth.
8.  Not getting enough or any fluoride in your system to fight cavities
7.  Not paying attention to the hidden sugar in your food and drinks
6.  Using a hard or medium bristled toothbrush in hopes of getting better cleaning results
5.  Trying to mask bad breath with gum, mints, or tongue strips
4.  Not brushing your teeth before you go to bed
3.  Dare think that you can skip flossing everyday
2.  Avoid dental treatment because your insurance told you that you couldn't get it done because of THEIR rules and policies.
1.  Saying to yourself, "My teeth are fine.  I don't need to see a dentist".

I recommend brushing 2-3 times a day with a soft bristled or electric toothbrush to fight bacteria and preserve the enamel on your tooth.  I also tell my clients that flossing is equally as important as brushing and both must be done at home regularly between dental visits.  Visiting a dental hygienist and dentist team, every six months or as scheduled, is vital in maintaining cavity free teeth and gums. In addition to daily care and visiting a dentist-hygienist dental team, total oral health requires proper nutritional habits. The truth is, early gum disease and beginner cavities are silent and painless. If left untreated, gum disease and cavities can lead to bad breath, tooth loss, and other health problems.  Many dental offices today are comfortable and even have spa like amenities to make the visit more pleasant than once viewed in the past.  Finding the right dental team that is not only skilled, but care about your health is critical.  I constantly hear stories of friends and clients trying “do it yourself” dentistry.  I encourage all to avoid home remedies that can be harmful to your health.  I recommend asking someone you trust for a recommendation for a dentist if you don’t have or like your current dental home. 

This is the year of CHANGE. Take charge of your dental health today. If you've been guilty of putting off your next dental exam and professional cleaning, consider visiting your dentist team to maintain a healthy and dazzling smile.

Dr. Catrise Austin is a Cosmetic Dentist practicing at VIP Smiles located at 119 W. 57th Street, New York, NY 10019. Celebrating a milestone of 10 years in business, she has an impressive loyal following, including some of the warmest smiles in the entertainment, sports, and fashion industry. She is currently a spokesperson for Aquafresh White Trays and spreads her message of good oral health by making national radio, television, and public speaking appearances.

By Sil Lai Abrams
©copyright 2008 by Sil Lai Abrams

The other day I caught up with my girlfriend Jackie over two grande Caramel Macchiatos, whole milk, not skim, of course.  Beverage in hand, we proceeded to fill each other in on what we had been up to for the past couple of months.  We gabbed about the usual…work, family, the last movies we had seen and did I hear that Amy Winehouse was actually going to go to rehab?

Jackie is an executive assistant with big dreams.  She has in interest in women’s issues and would love to become a manager in the diversity department, but the company she works for has a strict policy only to promote those with college degrees, and Jackie is six credits shy of her bachelor’s with no interest in going back to school.  She has been miserable in her job for the past two years and her career is a sore subject.  I want to support her in her goal to change gears, so I try, with all the subtlety of a plunging neckline in a church pew, to get her to talk about her career plans.

“What’s going on with you?  How’s work?”

Jackie gave me a quick “oh no you didn’t” look and answered “Work is uneventful…you know, I gotta figure out what I’m gonna do for the long term.  I’m not making any money and I am bored out of my mind.”

 “Well…have you created a game plan on how you’re gonna get there?” I ask, waiting for the eyes to start rolling.

“No, I haven’t put any thought into that.  I am just trying to keep it together.  You have no idea what I’m going through right now.  Do you know what I caught Andre doing?”

Oh oh.  Things were getting ready to get real ugly in a minute.  I just knew it.  That’s because Andre (Jackie’s “man” if you want to call him that) is one big Hot Mess.

She then launched into a twenty minute tirade on how she had caught him cheating again, after he had promised to stop calling that woman who was just a friend in Queens.  Apparently Jackie recently found new sexually explicit text messages between them on his phone.  The fact that she felt compelled to go snooping through his phone was just one of the many indications that Andre was not The One. 

Now let me say this.  I am all for a woman’s privilege to vent.  It is one of our God given rights.  But at this stage I am about two men and three years past the whole “Him bad…me good” conversation.  If Jackie (or anyone else for that matter) keeps ending up in relationships with men who are dogs, well then she needs to look inside to see if she is unconsciously blowing on a dog whistle.

“You know there are no accidents in life Jackie…”  I tentatively began.

“Don’t start…” she said.

“Just hear me out.  This isn’t the first time you have ended up with an emotionally unavailable skirt chaser, right?  Before Andre, there was Rodney.  And before him there was Chris, Matthew and…”

 “What’s your point?” she interrupted testily.

“My point is that if you are occasionally as in two-or-three-times-in-a-lifetime involved in relationships with not-so-nice guys, that’s one thing. But if every guy you go out with is a jerk, then you need to look at yourself and figure out why YOU keep choosing these men.”

“I know I’ve got issues girl.  But I don’t need help…they do!”

I shake my head. 

“So what are you going to do?” I asked.

“I’m gonna take a vacation.  I just need some sunshine and a pina colada.  Who knows…maybe I’ll get lucky and meet someone special?” she answered, voice trailing off as her eyes veil over, visions of pineapples and beach chairs dancing before her.

I know there is nothing I can do to change how Jackie handles her life.  What I can do is be supportive and try to encourage her to take action.  There is no judgment of her behavior in my mind…after all, not too long ago I was Jackie.  Frustrated, bored, and stuck in a relationship nine months past the expiration date with no idea of what I really wanted to do professionally.  I had already achieved some success as an event planner in the entertainment industry, but was uninspired by the work.  The idea of changing careers in my early thirties seemed so, so…impossible.  With two kids and more bills than I ever imagined having, it didn’t seem realistic for me to make a change.  So I did what I had always done whenever I got stuck trying to figure out how to improve my life.  I attached myself to a man and focused on making HIS dream happen.  Instead of focusing on how to better me, I focused on how to better HIM.  How I can help HIS career jump off.  How I could heal HIM from the wounds from his childhood.  How I could make HIM commit to marrying me.

Needless to say, I was unsuccessful at remolding my man.  I was successful however, in losing myself in HIS world and driving HIM away with my controlling behavior.

I did all of this under the guise of me being a loving partner.  But the reality was that I was desperately trying to gain a sense of security through the only means I thought possible:  HIM.  As a result, our relationship was the usual drama-filled soap opera, with me cast in the character of Overbearing Mother Figure and him playing out the Willful & Disobedient Child role.  We fought…we loved…we broke up…we reconciled…for almost two years.  We kept up this dance until we were too exhausted to dance anymore.  And when it was over I was left with no life direction and a stalled career, while he danced his way into greater professional success and a new girlfriend. 

Since that time I have changed my thinking, which changed my actions and ended up changing my life.  Since I stopped putting my effort into changing a man, I have been able to change the things about me that were holding me back professionally.  And now I have an entirely different career that brings me joy on a very deep, soulful level.  I am not claiming to be “fixed” but I am saying that since I stopped making having a man my main focus, I have been able to achieve something that I had never dreamed possible:  A real life.   Sure, I would love to be in a relationship, but not just for the sake of being coupled up.  I have learned that the first relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself, so be sure to cherish it…nurture it…build it.  For only once you are able to be intimately connected to yourself and your needs, will you ever be able to become intimately connected to another and healthily respond to THEIR needs.  One of my new mantras is A Man Is Not A Plan.  He certainly wasn’t me, or my mother, or even my best friend…and hopefully he won’t be that for my daughter as she grows up, either.